Sorry I've been such a shitty friend, I’m just trying really hard to get a grip on being a special needs mom. 

Let me start this by saying that I have amazing friends, friends and would do anything for me. Friends who have listened tirelessly about my divorce, friends that I call my family. But, I used to have more of these people. Friends used to surround me, but people don't understand how hard it is to be a special needs mom and a friend. How hard it is to talk on the phone to catch up when all you have is hardships to share. How hard it is to meet up when your child gets sick five times in two months. How your sanity is stretched thin trying to remember doctors appointments and therapies let alone meeting up for coffee.

I get it. I get that it must be frustrating to try over and over again to hang out with me, for me to have to say no or cancel last minute. I get that I've been a shitty friend, but I was really hoping I wouldn't be given up on so easily. I know you are not in my shoes so you don't understand, you might think that I don’t care about you anymore. That I no longer desire to see you, but it's the furthest thing from the truth. I miss you and need you more than you know, but I have no idea how to ask you to come over and sit while I make fifteen phone calls to children's hospitals, or do therapy, or tell you that you can come over but stay clear of us because we are sick again.

I don't know how to do this. I'm still trying to figure it out, but I'm getting there. It's easier now. We leave the house a bit more, I answer the phone with more frequency, but now that I'm ready to be a friend again, you are all gone. You've moved on with your lives and have left me behind. I can't say I blame you, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm so thankful for the friends that have stuck around. Those who don’t hear from me for months and still make an effort. The ones I have canceled on three times in a row just to stick it out to finally see me on the fourth try. The ones that get it. The ones that understand that I'm not only a special needs mom, but a single mom. The ones that visit and hold my son so I can do the dishes while we catch up. You know who you are and I am forever grateful for you.

I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty friend, but I am a special needs mom now.