Screw the village, it takes a whole damn city
When they say it takes a village to raise a child, then it takes a bustling metropolis to raise a child with special needs.
There has become a reoccurring theme to the reaction I have received when I speak positively about Joe (my ex husband) and Maria (Oliver’s new Step mom). The majority of people seem, confused, baffled, shocked, flabbergasted, whatever you want to call it at the relationship we have built for the sake of this tiny little human that we promised to love and care for.
You never expect to get divorced, especially when a baby is involved, but shit happens, you separate, you move on, people get remarried, it's life. These unexpected hurdles do not mean you stop working together for your child. It's not easy, there are a lot of bumps in the road, but I'm honestly exhausted of hearing how I’m so mature, or the famous, “You’re a way bigger person than I could ever be.” It takes minimal effort to be a good person to the person you chose to breed with. You literally chose them to create this magnificent life that is half them half you. And if it takes a bustling metropolis to care for a child, why wouldn’t you want every volunteer working to help?
For some reason when people travel down the road of divorce, through all the potholes and detour signs they forget that the destination is the same as it always has been:
“You are now entering the town of co parenting.”
I get that it's hard, fights are fought, opinions differ, we hurt each other, but this isn't about us, it's about our child.
I was told something not too long ago that completely changed my perspective on my situation.
"If there is someone who wants to love your child, let them."
This woman is amazing to my son. She loves him and cares for him like he is her own. Why would I deny Oliver that love? Why would I deny another person into my metropolis who wants nothing more but to help?
I fought this idea for months. I was hurt and angry and tried my hardest to deny her entry until one day I heard that quote. Why would I refuse someone the ability to love my child? For what reason? My own ego? Sorry folks, your ego doesn’t get a say when it comes to your child. I see parents who fight and blame each other, who drop their children off at relative’s houses so they never have to speak. What kind of life is that for your child? Who gave you the right to ride such a high horse?
Don’t get me wrong, I tried to ride that high horse, but he kept bucking me off and knocking my ass back down to reality. And let me tell you, you might think the view is great but you aren’t seeing the whole picture from way up there. The skyline might look pretty but we all know the best view of a big city is from the ground looking up at what we created together.
*When you receive a Mother's Day gift from your ex husband and his future wife/mother of his 2nd child you have reached your destination into the town of Co Parenting.