When we received Oliver’s diagnosis I wanted to write about our journey, to educate our friends and family, to use as a keepsake, and hopefully as a comfort to others going through this unknown journey as well. Soon after Oliver was born my blog posts dwindled and were replaced by doctor’s appointments and therapy sessions until they disappeared all together, but the idea of writing never left my mind. So, here I am, one year later, inspired by my son to tell his journey once more. He might not be a typical one year old. He can’t hold his own bottle or feed himself cheerios, he isn’t walking, or even crawling for that matter, but he is working every single day to get there, and I know he will, in his own time.
We are only three days away from Oliver’s first birthday and I can’t believe it’s already here. This little boy playing on the floor in front of me is my miracle, my savior, my lesson from God, or whatever higher power you believe in, that we don’t know how much we can handle until we are faced with it. Joe and I did not plan our pregnancy. Heck, I even took the Plan B pill when we had our, for lack of better words, oopsie. But Oliver wasn’t having that, it was his time to be alive, to teach me what love really feels like, and to make an impact on this world.
I will never forget what it felt like getting his diagnosis. I was at work when I got the call. The days leading up to the results were gut wrenching. Everyone around me acted like their was nothing to worry about, the doctor told me to not even take the test because there was no way it was going to come up positive, I guess deep down my motherly instincts knew that no matter what anyone said, I needed to take that test.
When I hung up the phone it felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I grabbed my purse and with tears rolling down my face I frantically told my boss I had to leave and I ran out as fast as I could. On my way home I screamed, screamed as loudly as I could. I held my belly and cried and prayed, something I don’t normally do. I cried over and over, “Please God not my baby, not my baby boy”. I wish I could tell that version of me to stop crying and stop asking God to change her unborn son. I wish I could open her eyes to the beauty of her child, I wish I could tell her she is stronger than she ever thought she could be. I wish I could show her how amazing life is now. It comes with its struggles and some days are bad, but the good days make life worth living.
I cannot wait to share Oliver’s journey with you, but until then I will leave you with the first post I ever wrote about this amazing child of mine.
These last few weeks have been a roller coaster for Joe and I. When we got our first ultrasound for baby there was a shiny spot seen on his heart. Something that is rather common, but we were told to go to a high risk OB just to rule out any problems. We went, and were told that sometimes that shiny spot is correlated with down syndrome, but our chances of having a baby with DS was .14%. We were given the option to have a new blood test that tells us with 99% accuracy if our baby has Down syndrome, even though our numbers were so low we decided to have the test done anyways. Last week the test came back positive, we were shocked to say the least, and last Tuesday we had an amniocentesis done to make sure the results were what they were. The amnio results came back today, and our little baby boy does have Down syndrome. We also had a heart test done on the baby since heart problems are high in Downs babies, but we are blessed to say that his heart and all other physical aspects of our baby are 100% healthy We have had time to process over the last few weeks that this could be the outcome, and together with our amazing support system of family and friends we know we will all be okay. I cry for my baby’s struggles, and I cry for fear of his health, but I do not cry about him. He is our blessing. There are risks that come with the 3rd trimester for a chance of a stillborn but we are taking every precaution to prevent that, including bi-weekly check ups. We have a rough road ahead of us, but I am so thankful that I have my best friend, my Joe, by my side who continues to tell me “we got this” and I look into his eyes, and I know we do.